3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
