you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
