Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
