I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
