I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
FUCK WHALES
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
