Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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