I just cut my nipple shaving
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
