Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
a search helicopter?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
