Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
