I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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