That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
