I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
