Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
