the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
