If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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