you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
