Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
