I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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