Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
