All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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