We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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