Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
