it wasn't lemon gatorade
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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