Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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