$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
