margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
