Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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