Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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