Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
