yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
