dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
