So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
