My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
