I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
