Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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