Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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