Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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