EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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