glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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