It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
