marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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