I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
