That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
