so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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