Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
