If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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