I accidentally burped into my bong.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
