Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
