i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
