I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
