Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
