You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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