Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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