Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
